A Case Study with Actionable Insights
Leaders do not readily have answers, but they have to be skilled in navigating the problem-solving process in the search for an answer.
The example below shows the conversation between a leader and a subordinate. The coaching insights are italicized in parentheses:
Suresh: I need to talk about Akash with you. I find him very rude, and it’s difficult to work with him.
Amit (Leader): Have you attempted to address it in any way? (Checking if any action has already been taken to resolve the problem.)
Suresh: No, I don’t know what to do. (A coaching moment – the subordinate is expressing his inability to address the problem, and is asking for help. He is willing to be coached.)
Amit (Leader): Let me understand you better. Can you give me an example of the rudeness you are referring to? (Probing to understand the problem in depth.)
Suresh: Yes, in fact, it happened yesterday. I went up to his desk and asked him by when he would give the details I had asked for. He replied rudely saying he was too busy, and will send me an email to let me know when he can give it.
Amit (Leader): It can be quite hurtful when someone is rude. (Validating his feelings. This is very important because the person feels heard and understood, which further increases his willingness to be coached.)
Amit (Leader): How exactly does his rudeness impact you and your work? (Continued probing to find how it is impacting work, and getting Suresh to think about it too. Suresh may not have thought about it earlier. Knowing how it impacts work builds up a valid case to make a change.)
Suresh: Ummm... you know when someone is rude, you just don’t want to interact with them. I reach a point where I don’t want to have anything to do with him.
Amit (Leader): And how does it impact your work? (Suresh didn’t answer the impact on work question, so Amit repeats it to catalyse his thinking process.)
Suresh: It can cause delays, because I avoid interacting with him directly. I send emails when the work can be done faster by speaking one-on-one. There is more time spent on preparing how to deal with him, instead of discussing the work.
Amit (Leader): So, if you were to clearly define your problem statement in a sentence or two, what would you say? What do you want to achieve and why? (After a few layers have been peeled, this is an attempt to get a better grasp on the problem statement.)
Suresh: I want Akash to stop becoming rude.
Amit (Leader): Yes, that’s a start. You want him to stop becoming rude, so that...? (Further attempt to refine and complete the problem statement by adding what is needed as the final outcome.)
Suresh: Ummm... So that I can work easily with him, and work can get done faster.
Amit (Leader): Let me re-phrase this and see if I have understood you. You want Akash to stop being rude, so that you can work easier and faster with him. Is that right? (Continued refining of the problem statement.)
Suresh: Yes, that’s it
Amit (Leader): Have you ever thought if there is something that you do which triggers his rudeness? (Challenging assumptions and introducing new thoughts and ideas. Peeling further layers to help Suresh become aware of his own contribution to the problem.)
Suresh: I don’t know, maybe I will think about it.
Amit (Leader): Yes, think about it. Introspect and see what you can do differently, to avoid triggering him. Maybe, there is something there. Let me again paraphrase the problem statement: “To develop a better relationship with Akash, so that it’s easier and faster to work with him”. What do you think? Could this be a more accurate problem statement to work upon? (Continued refining of the problem statement - Summarising and reflecting back to Suresh to check if this is a better and more complete problem definition.)
Suresh: Yes, probably that is better.
Amit (Leader): For a relationship to work, both people have to make an effort (Knowledge sharing). So, one thing you can do is to think about how you can stop triggering him. Second, do you think it will help to tell him how you feel when he’s rude, and how it impacts your work? (Offering actionable suggestions.)
Suresh: Yes, I think it will help to talk. But, will he listen?
Amit (Leader): Good question! What would you need to do for him to listen to you, understand you completely, and offer to make changes from his end? (Again, catalysing Suresh’s own thinking on how to handle this.)
Suresh: I guess I need to be calm and polite. I shouldn’t make it accusatory and blame him. If I talk about how our relationship is important for our work, and that both of us need to work at it, then he is more likely to listen.
Amit (Leader): Good, now think over the following two things, and let’s catch up after a few days:
1) What will you change about yourself so as not to trigger him?
2) How will you tell him about his rudeness, and the importance of improving your relationship in a way that he listens, and tries to improve the relationship from his end too?
(Further introspection and action items for Suresh to work upon.)
Coaching Skills
The intent is to ask questions to stimulate the subordinate’s thinking, and catalyse the thought process. The person goes deeper within to find the answer, and this generates greater awareness around the problem. You need to create a churn, a back and forth of questions and answers, which takes the thinking forward and deeper, and eventually yields the nectar of insight.
Some possible questions are:
• What is the exact problem?
• What are the obstacles you are facing?
• What will happen if things don’t change?
• What are the options you have?
• What have you already tried?
• What is your main concern here? How much …? How many …?
• Who else does it affect?
• What are the main risks here?
In the above conversation, notice the emphasis on refining and completing the problem statement. A large chunk of the conversation is devoted to defining the problem statement holistically. And, in our example, it took multiple iterations of questions and answers to get to it. Getting to the correct problem definition is half the problem solved. If we start with the wrong problem statement, then it’s wrong all the way from there. So, make sure you get this part right.
Listen & Reflect – You have to listen deeply, not just with your ears, but your entire body. And listen not just to his words, but to what his entire body is telling you. Listen to the body language, posture, hand and eye movements, the tone, the said and the unsaid. Everything. This is the highest order of listening, and it requires complete presence from your side. Unclutter yourself of your thoughts and pre-occupations, and prepare to become a receptacle to take it all in. Put aside your phone, laptop and ensure you’re not doing anything else during this conversation.
First listen, and then reflect back. When you reflect back you are untangling the knots, bringing about clarity and separating the meaning from the noise. Reflection needs paraphrasing and clarifying – sharing what you have understood in your own words, and checking if your understanding is correct. It also needs summarizing, where you pull together different threads of the conversation into a coherent meaning. You have to help the subordinate make meaning out of the storm of thoughts in his head.
Joint exploration for the answers – Leaders do not readily have answers, but they have to be skilled in navigating the problem-solving process in the search for an answer. The joint exploration of the problem includes knowledge sharing, offering suggestions, giving advice, and challenging the subordinate’s perspective or assumptions. Your ability to ask the right questions, offer suggestions, share advice, challenge his thinking are crucial in this joint exploration process.
Make the time to coach – You need to have the time, or make the time to have this conversation. This is about teaching a man how to fish, instead of giving him fish to satisfy his hunger for a day. By doing this, you will develop his introspective skills – where he can reflect on a problem, ask questions to himself, and peel the onion layer-by-layer to get to the root of the problem. It may consume time in the beginning, but will give you excellent returns in the long run, when the subordinate develops superior problem-solving skills.
Close with well-defined next steps (action items) – Jointly define the actions to be completed before the next meeting. This is the application of the learnings in the real world, and will take the coaching forward. Continue this process for a couple of meetings, iterating through with review of action items, reflection and joint exploration. Over time, you will see a significant shift in your subordinate’s approach to problems. You will also have the positive side effects of higher engagement, and increased respect for you as a leader.
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